wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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