Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
