So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
