I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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