dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
