Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
