It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
