there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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