if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
