I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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