so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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