I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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