Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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