I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
