i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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