she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
