ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
