I puked a lego.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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