Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
