Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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