The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
