The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
