You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
