why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
