it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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