Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
