remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
