I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
