Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
