remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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