im about as happy as oj after his trial
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
you made out with another girl for some wings
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
