im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just high enough for therapy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
