The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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