Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
