A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
wow bdsm is so cute
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
