i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
