Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
