My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You can't special order awesome
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Randomize
