it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
