brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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