dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
