Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Found your dick twin last night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
