Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
