so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
