***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
