I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize