The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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