She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
