I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize