He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
