What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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