A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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