The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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