you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
