I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
