i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
