I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
