i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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