Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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