I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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