Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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