So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
