you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The best revenge is premature balding
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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