Barsexuality is the new black.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
