My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
