Me. At least after what I've been through.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
