I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
