I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
