I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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