look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
