he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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