At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
