i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
