ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
