"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
