I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
