Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
