no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
