ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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