So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize