the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Vodka?
Forever.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
